bad poetry

well, i guess i need something to post for the three people who are gonna read this thing, so here's some absurd poetry i wrote back in my sophomore year of high school. (not absurdist, just absurd - i was trying to be a bit silly). feel free to comment/critique/swear at me in the comments below. i wrote this years ago and don't really have much personal attachment to it anymore, so frankly it's all yours to judge as you will.


one black hole can ruin your whole day
attention:
due to unforseen circumstances
all flights going to and coming from
the
airport
have been delayed
apparently there is some sort of black
hole
that is inhaling all matter around it
we apologize for the inconvenience


marge, the neighbor's caught fire again
spontaneous combustion
can be a real
inconvenience
especially @ 3 am
when your bed catches fire
because that's no fun
and it makes a lot of
noise
like a great ka-foom
that wakes up the neighbors

ka-foom


some nights you just can't fall asleep
i am uncannily aware of my own
breathing
in such a way that
i concentrate on every molecule of
o
x
y
g
e
n
moving into my lungs
and every
molecule of
c
a
r
b
o
n
d
i
o
x
i
d
e
moving out

these things do tend to happen
when one is afflicted with
a serious case of
insomnia

perhaps
i should think about
not breathing

it seems difficult

how would one be aware of
that?


nuclear holocaust survival strategies
the next time you leave your home
please listen for any and all
of the following sounds and/or
sights:
sirens
great alarum bells
klaxons
general panic
and such
these may be signs of an imminent
nuclear
holocaust
do not panic
@ the first sign of trouble
simply
enter a bomb shelter
leave all corpses in bags
do not approach strangers
do not enter tall buildings
stay calm
stay calm
stay calm
stay calm


why eating other people is probably a good idea
cost/benefit analysis of
cannibalism:
free
easy
healthy
considering the social risks however
perhaps it would be better
to eat
oneself

(these are copyright peter vilardi in... i dunno, 2010, so don't steal them, asshole)